雅思无忧小编给大家带来了雅思作文免费批改英语 【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法相关文章，一起来看一下吧。本文目录一览：
【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼 【雅思作文批改】6.5分：结尾段的语句不够精炼
1、危险的运动应该被取消 ，这样的话题出现的还是比较普遍的，相对来说也比较好写，但也因为范围太广不好找切入点，这位同学写得还不错，看看他是怎样展开思路的？
作文题目：
Some that
be ,but the have
to . both and give your .
作文内容：
are
due to the fact that are with
work and want to find to do. a
of that the be ,I
hold the that have and to
.
is no that
may be life-.Even if the have been
to the past, do .For
, year are some or even
in as a of the or from
a .From this ,it that in to
from , be .
, is
an way to and make
., to the fast flow of , live a
fast- life.When they ,now ones to them
high .In this , such as
can help them get rid of the work
as they need to on
the , ,they have time to
work., may more via the
of .
To ,
like and may be life-,the
is *all.Also,the
are they and
make . ,they be
and the have the duty to make the more
.
摆脱的不是工作，而是工作带来的压力，这里需要修改；
和上面的重复过多，缓解压力变相表达就是心情变得更加愉悦，可以从这个角度来改变表达方式，后者及意识的生命的宝贵，不可直接把上面的句子拿下来
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
结尾段的语句不够精炼，这点给整篇文章拉分。希望今后不要出现结尾段直接和上面表达雷同的情况，并且表达方式可以更加灵活
附批改原图：
雅思热文雅思作文批改。100 1.has been TV
--》got of TV
和 正反义词，（不）正常的
2.it
--》They like to the ```( )
3. has been much the TV show.
--》 is a on （不需要完成进行时）
4.In the --》
5.as a form of TV , gain and the of the TV show .
--》 that it is a form of TV , gain ，， is a fast of the TV show .
主语： ,不能 as a form of TV ··
电视观众：
6.the can be as to how they life as well.
--》the can the way they own life .
7.In the age--》at
···
整体感觉主被动有点混乱··个别词组，还是不要太汉语化··
纯粹个人理解··可参考··【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法 【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法
1、*应该对铁路比公路花钱？ 这位同学整体架构比较完整，但是口语化比较严重，语法错误比较多，基础不够扎实，需多多练习。最终得分4.5-5分，还有很大的进步空间。
作文题目:大作文：剑大作文
on than .To what do you or
with this ?
作文内容：
has
for a long term,as a lot of have been to
that, are some
,m any say that
more on rail than road,but i can not
with this
.
, with road,has
to load
or ,and it
is also a good for long- .One of the of rail
is that you will meet a or jam on your way to the . have a lot to make it more safe
and ,but it for when it is at
peak time; such as in , are even not
for who want to go home and they have to stay in the room for a long time.So more
or more are to such a of
and the of in s .
On the ,road ,as
way that used,is more than ,b ut when is poor,ad a lot of time on jam due to the
of cars, in .In
to this , to more like - to the ,so that the air
in will a lot ,too.
,fund are in both of ,but it is not wise to say that more
be used in rail or road,it must to the .
but
注意断句，Many
写作中是
has
more
指谁？
改成
符号不对
又是连接谁？
另起一句，大写
这是口语用词
和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里？
口语
情态动词后用原形
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子，因为口语化的说法很多，最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句。句子可以写长，但长句也遵循语法规则，需要连词或者合适的代词。需要系统学习语法。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路，考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了。
附批改原图：
标签： 雅思作文批改 英语学习 语法错误 口语化表达 写作技巧
